Long before "Guitar Hero" and "Rock Band" gave musicians the opportunity to hock their wares to gamers, developers sought to make a quick buck by actually putting these misguided minstrels front and centre in their video games.

Of course this trend still continues today -- hell, "Guitar Hero: Aerosmith" even covers both bases -- but like most licensed products in the world of gaming, the results haven’t been pretty.

                                 

5. 50 Cent: Bulletproof

                                 

The story

Curtis 'I got shot nine times and lived to cash in' Jackson (a.k.a. 50 Cent) was almost killed years ago and rap fans have been paying for it ever since. In this particular marketing attempt, you control 'Fitty' as he takes vengeance upon those who tried to murder him.

The gameplay

The game is pretty much your average third-person action title, only with enough violence, f-bombs and n-words to set the civil-rights movement back a few years.

Watch the trailer

What it teaches us about life

Video games about rappers murdering murderers who tried to murder them are educational! Well, according to the man himself, parents should buy the M-rated game to teach their children about gang life.

4. Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker

                                 

The story

You control Michael Jackson as he rescues little children and yells "Who's bad?" Yes, you read that properly.

What’s next, a game where players control O.J. Simpson as he hunts down men who beat their wives?

                                 

The gameplay

Though he claims to be a lover, not a fighter, Wacko Jacko can be seen kicking some serious mob-ass in “Moonwalker.” Of course, since this is MJ we’re talking about, magic sparkles come from his feet as he does so.

What it teaches us about life

Irony is as popular as ever.

3. Tie: Journey/Journey Escape

                  

The story

Since video game technology was new at the time, developers were desperate for any kind of attention… even if it meant turning to Journey for help. Twice.

The gameplay

In Journey, players must control each band member and travel to different planets in search of their lost instruments.

As for Escape, the game’s television spot does a beautiful job of explaining the premise.

What it teaches us about life

Everyone was snorting way too much coke in the ‘80s.

2. Revolution X (feat. Aerosmith)

                                 

The story

In the futuristic year of 1996, an alliance of government and corporate forces has formed the "New Order Nation." This evil organization has tightened its grip on humanity by banning music. (Think something similar to Frank Zappa’s concept album “Joe’s Garage.” Only it’s unintentionally funny and the music's not as good.)

That beacon of freedom Steven Tyler and his ragtag group of freedom fighters -- collectively known as Aerosmith -- choose to take up arms against this evil by performing in dingy, underground bars with go-go dancers.

When the band is kidnapped, it’s up to you to shoot roughly 15,837 generic-looking soldiers to get them back.

The gameplay

"Remember, music is a weapon." – Steven Tyler earning his ‘Revolution X’ paycheque

Despite the above quote, the game arms you with a gun that shoots CDs rather than a guitar, drum kit or handkerchief-wrapped microphone stand. Since the gunplay is so uninspired, this ultimately works against the game.

The potential for greatness was there, but the developers opted not to capitalize on it.

I mean really, how much fun would it be to kill enemies by screaming lyrics like “Ow, oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah, ya ka kow, ya ka ka ka kow” into a microphone?

What it teaches us about life

If the government ever bans music and the only group left fighting for it is Aerosmith, maybe music wasn’t that great to begin with.

1. The ‘Make My Video’ games

                        

With video game technology rapidly improving in the early ‘90s, companies were soon able to play actual film footage on consoles. Though the quality was absolutely horrible, developer Digital Pictures decided that the future of the medium was all video and no game.

This lead to a number of god awful titles on PC, Sega CD and 3DO that featured full movies and very little interaction from the player.

In 1992, the folks behind these atrocities decided that a series of games based on the idiotic notion of players ‘editing’ music videos would be the next big step.

What resulted was four of the worst games ever made.

- Kris Kross: Make My Video
- INXS: Make My Video
- Power Factory Featuring C+C Music Factory
- Marky Mark: Make My Video

For simplicity’s sake -- and because they were the first group I ever saw live (you have no right to judge me) -- we’ll discuss the Kris Kross game.

The story

For those of you who don’t remember Kris Kross, they were a rap duo who saw great success from about 1992 to 1993. Known for wearing their clothes backwards, Chris "Daddy Mac" Smith and Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly tended to rap about such pressing social issues as missing school buses and jumping.

In this cutting-edge game, the rappers want you to make their video… but you probably already figured that out by reading the title.

The gameplay

Basically, players are tasked with editing footage together for one of three Kris Kross songs -- "Jump," "I Missed the Bus" and "Warm It Up." As the song plays, gamers had to choose different icons to change the final product.

Here’s some footage of the actual “gameplay”

What it teaches us about life

If Kris Kross can get their own video game, anyone can.

                                 

Also, people will do whatever it takes to earn a quick buck. But I'm not telling you anything you don't already know.